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Positive discipline is an approach to parenting and teaching that helps children develop self-control, respect, and responsibility. It is based on the belief that children can learn from their mistakes and that they need guidance and encouragement to become responsible and independent adults.
At its core, positive discipline is about setting clear boundaries and expectations and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. It is not about punishment, but about teaching children how to make good choices and take responsibility for their behaviour.
In her book, Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skill, Jane Nelsen tells us that the key to positive discipline is not punishment but mutual respect. She coaches parents and teachers to be both firm and kind so that any child–from a three-year-old toddler to a rebellious teenager–can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline with no loss of dignity.
Other good reads on positive discipline include;
1. Positive Discipline for Teenagers
2. Positive Discipline: The First Three Years
The concepts of positive discipline include; effective communication and problem-solving skills, encouragement instead of praise, focusing on solutions rather than punishment, focusing on appropriate parenting style, and identifying the reasons behind the behaviour.
Here are some fundamental principles of positive discipline:
1. Focus on the positive
Positive discipline is about focusing on what children are doing right, rather than what they are doing wrong. Instead of criticizing or punishing children for their mistakes, we should praise and encourage them for their successes.
For example, instead of saying “You never clean up your toys,” we can say “I really appreciate it when you clean up your toys after you’re done playing.”
2. Be clear and consistent
Positive discipline requires clear and consistent rules and consequences. Children need to know what is expected of them and what will happen if they break the rules.
For example, if a child hits a sibling, the consequence could be a time-out. The child needs to know that hitting is not acceptable and that there will be consequences if it happens again.
3. Use logical consequences
Positive discipline uses logical consequences that are related to the misbehaviour. For example, if a child breaks a toy, the consequence could be that the child has to save up their allowance to buy a new one.
Logical consequences help children understand the consequences of their actions and take responsibility for their behaviour.
4. Listen to your child
Positive discipline requires us to listen to our children and understand their perspectives. Children often misbehave because they feel frustrated or misunderstood. By listening to them and trying to understand their feelings, we can help them feel heard and valued.
For example, if a child is having a tantrum because they don’t want to leave the park, we can listen to them and acknowledge their feelings. We can say something like “I know you don’t want to leave the park, but it’s time to go home now. Let’s plan to come back tomorrow.”
5. Use positive language
Positive discipline requires us to use positive language that encourages children to make good choices. Instead of saying “Don’t run,” we can say “Please walk.” Instead of saying “Stop yelling,” we can say “Let’s use our inside voice.”
Positive language helps children feel valued and respected and encourages them to make good choices.
Conclusion
Positive discipline is an effective approach to parenting and teaching that helps children develop self-control, respect, and responsibility. By focusing on the positive, being clear and consistent, using logical consequences, listening to our children, and using positive language, we can help our children grow into responsible and independent adults.