Co-parenting with someone who has some personality disorder can be challenging. They are often defensive and handle situations in an unhealthy way. If your co-parent is a narcissist, they will ignore you or test your boundaries. They may be parents with less respect or less empathy than you would like. They will get angry when you give feedback. With such a person, it will be difficult to reach an agreement and their negativity will always affect you. Let’s first understand who exactly can be described as a narcissist.
Who is a narcissist?
Narcissists are people who have a strong sense of selfishness. That means they lack empathy and they feel more important than others. A narcissist has traits like;
- Take advantage of others to achieve what they want
- They believe they are special
- Have arrogant attitude
- Exaggerate achievements
- They want to be praised and admired all the time
- Are envious of others
- They have a sense of entitlement
- They are obsessed with fantasies of success
How to Handle a Co-parent who is a Narcissist
1. Accept them as they are
The first step is to accept your co-parent for whom they are. It will be hard to probably change them, hence just set the mindset to expect anything from them.
2. Set Boundaries
Be specific and clear on how to co-parent. Tell them what is acceptable and what is not. Narcissists like to control and will do whatever it takes to achieve it, don’t let them break you down.
3. Have a plan
You will need a parenting plan that states who is to do this and who is to do that. Plan on how often you will communicate. Ensure the plan is written and signed.
4. Reduce communication
A narcissist will often overcommunicate to get your attention. They will demand some answers which might be difficult to give in a limited time. Try to communicate using emails, but you must think about your response.
5. Remain Calm
Narcissists will do things to make you angry. They go to an extent of insults. Avoid engaging in a bad exchange of words and don’t let emotions make you vulnerable. Do not let personal attacks destroy your mood. Accept them for who they are, selfish parents to your child.
Things to avoid while Co-parenting with a Narcissist
- Do not be afraid of a narcissist. Narcissists will continue to oppress you when they realize you are afraid of them. Stick to your boundaries and be serious about it. Don’t let them thrive on your fears.
- Do not control everything. Do your part and let them be. If your children are in good shape after visiting their other parents, it is good.
- Do not use your children to spy on the narcissist co-parent. Maybe for them, they will ask the kids about you but don’t use your children to get private information.
- Do not engage in arguments with them. Narcissists will take you in circles to overwhelm you. They will argue with you so hard to see themselves win. Don’t keep explaining yourself so much. Keep your responses short and straight with no emotions.
How to protect your Child from a Narcissist Co-parent
- Practice healthy parenting. You can’t choose how your ex-partner will treat the children, but you can be an example of healthy parenting.
- Communicate with your child. Help your child understand their other parent. Engage them in appropriate talks depending on their age to let them understand that the behavior is about the other person and not them.
- Do not talk ill of your co-parent in front of your children. Most importantly, don’t compare your child to a self-centred parent.
- Also, ensure that you watch for any signs of abuse. When the child spends with the other parent, you don’t know what happens to them. Keep check for any emotional, physical or sexual abuse.
In circumstances of abuse, take legal measures to ensure the narcissist is denied rights to the children. And if you are in a situation where you do not know what to do, see a therapist to give you advice.
What Is Considered Harassment by a Co-Parent
Harassment is any unwanted, persistent behavior that causes emotional distress, fear, or intimidation. When it comes to co-parenting, harassment is the repetitive actions or communications that are aimed at belittling, intimidating, or controlling the other parent. It can manifest in various forms, including verbal, emotional, psychological, and even cyber harassment.
Verbal harassment involves using offensive language, derogatory remarks, or threats during interactions with the co-parent. It creates a hostile environment and hampers effective communication.
Psychological harassment aims to control the co-parent’s thoughts, emotions, and actions. Gaslighting, undermining self-esteem, and manipulating the narrative are common tactics employed by the harasser.
Emotional harassment is characterized by actions that manipulate the emotions of the other parent. It may involve constant criticism, provocation, or guilt-tripping, leading to heightened stress and anxiety.
Cyber harassment involves using digital platforms to harass, intimidate, or threaten the co-parent. It can include sending offensive messages, spreading rumors, or even hacking into personal accounts. With the rise in use of technology, cyber harassment has increased.
Signs of Harassments by a Co-Parent
Wondering what is considered as harassment by a co-parent, here are signs that you are been harassed;
- Threats and Intimidation- The harasser use threats and intimidation or coercion to assert control over you or gain an advantage of the co-parenting relationship.
- Harassment often includes manipulative tactics to control your actions, decisions, or personal life.
- The harasser makes derogatory comments and insults your parenting abilities or undermines their authority in front of the child.
- The harasser may intrude into your privacy wit behaviors such as stalking or monitoring your activities.
- Harassment often leads to constant conflicts and arguments, making it difficult to have productive discussions or make joint decisions.
- The harasser bombards the other parent with overwhelming messages, calls, or emails, often unrelated to the child’s well-being.
Kids need only one individual who crazily shows concern about them. The cure to narcissism is accepting the situation and sticking to boundaries. You got this!
Co-parenting Frequently Asked Questions
Can harassment in co-parenting affect child custody arrangements?
Harassment can be considered a significant factor in child custody cases. Courts prioritize the child’s best interests, and if harassment poses a risk to the child’s well-being, it can impact custody arrangements or lead to modifications in existing orders.
How can I protect myself from harassment in co-parenting?
Setting clear boundaries, documenting instances of harassment, and seeking legal advice are crucial steps in protecting yourself from harassment. Restricting communication channels and utilizing neutral platforms can also help maintain a safe and accountable environment.
Can co-parenting classes help in reducing harassment?
Co-parenting classes provide valuable guidance on effective communication, conflict resolution, and establishing healthy boundaries. These classes can equip parents with the necessary tools and strategies to navigate co-parenting challenges and minimize the likelihood of harassment.
What steps can I take if the other co-parent refuses to cooperate in resolving harassment?
If the other co-parent refuses to cooperate, seeking legal advice is crucial. A family law attorney can guide you on the available legal options, such as obtaining a restraining order or requesting a modification in custody arrangements to protect the child’s well-being.