I am not always as good as I want to be at being my child’s mother. Because every day I fall short, every day I make mistakes.
I lose temper and apologize, I throw around empty threats that I get tired to follow through, and at times I feel disconnected from the same child who makes my heart skip a beat.
Sometimes I hear voices telling me how selfish of a mom I am and sometimes I feel like shouting how good of a mom I am.
All this as a single mom can be overwhelming yet admirable. Parenthood is a wild adventure, but doing it solo comes with unique sets of challenges and triumphs. There are many mistakes a single mom will make that affects them, their children or the community around them. Here are some;
1. Trying to be both parents
One of the most challenging roles to balance is feeling like you need to be both parents—mom and dad—in your child’s life. While this impulse comes from a place of love, it can lead to unnecessary stress and unattainable expectations.
Children don’t need a parent who can do it all but need one who is present, loving, and consistent. While it’s natural to want to shield your child from pain, it’s also important to recognize that no family is perfect, and what truly matters is the bond you share with your child.
You don’t have to be everything; you just have to be yourself. Focus on your strengths as a parent and lean into them. No one can replace another person, and you aren’t meant to.
2. Neglecting Self Care
From managing your child’s needs to balancing work and household duties, it can feel like there’s no time to breathe, let alone focus on yourself. Single moms often feel quilt taking time to themselves, thinking that they should be with their children.
However, neglecting your needs can leave you emotionally drained, increasing feelings of frustration, irritability, and even resentment.
Don’t forget that to raise a happy child, you have to be happy yourself.
3. Overcompensating with Discipline or Leniency
Single moms often feel the weight of being the sole authority figure in their child’s life. This can lead to overcompensating in either direction—being overly strict to ensure discipline or overly lenient to avoid conflict or guilt. Both extremes, though well-intentioned, can have unintended consequences for both you and your child.
As a solo parent, you need to find balance to nurture a healthy, respectful, and loving parent-child relationship. Your kids will grow up with a clear understanding of boundaries, respect for authority, and a strong sense of security and self-worth.
4. Neglecting your Social Life
Often, as a single mom, your child’s needs become your main focus, leaving you with a little time and energy for your social life. However, having a circle is vital for your overall well-being.
Friendship gives you a safe space to vent and share struggles as well as celebrate wins. When you take time to nurture your social life, you show your child the value of relationships, self-care, and balance.
A well-rounded parent is better equipped to handle challenges, manage stress, and provide a loving, stable environment for their child.
5. Not Planning your Finances
The pressures of raising a child on a single income, managing daily expenses, and preparing for the future often compete with immediate priorities.
Failing to prioritize financial planning can lead to stress, limited opportunities and lack of security for you and your child. However, with a good financial plan, you reduce your stress and focus more on parenting.
Every dollar saved, every debt reduced, and every financial lesson learned brings you closer to stability and the life you want for you and your child.
6. Comparing yourself to others
Comparison has for the longest time being a weakness. We often fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others, especially with the rise of social media. Whether it is with married couples, other single moms, comparison brings unnecessary stress and a feeling of inadequacy.
Social media is here with us and I will not tell you to deactivate your accounts. Rather, make it a habit to list the things you are grateful for. Focus on your progress and acknowledge that you are doing the best for yourself and your kid.
Breaking free from the cycle of comparison allows you to fully embrace your role as a single mom.
7. Not asking for help
I remember feeling a mess and blaming myself for being a single mom. So I am a solo parent to burden others? Two people cannot bring a child into the world to burden others in raising the kid. This words often lingered in my mind.
The fear of being judged, the desire to appear strong, or simply not knowing where to turn can prevent you from seeking the support you need.
While it may seem uncomfortable, asking for help will ease your burdens and give your child an environment where your child feel loved and included.
8. Letting Stress Impact Your Child
Children, especially young ones, rely heavily on their parents for emotional stability. When a parent is visibly stressed or short-tempered, children pick up on this and may feel unsafe or insecure, even if the stress isn’t directed at them.
Stress is inevitable but its impact on your child doesn’t have to be. Learn to love yourself more and minimize the effects of stress on the bond with your child.
9. Letting your child get away with behaviors because you don’t want to upset them.
Allowing your child to get away with certain behaviors to avoid upsetting them is a common pitfall in parenting, particularly for single parents who may already be navigating feelings of guilt or stress.
While the intention is often rooted in love or a desire to maintain peace, this approach can lead to long-term challenges for both the parent and the child.
Always keep in mind that discipline isn’t a rejection of your child—it’s an act of love that helps them grow into responsible, emotionally intelligent individuals.
Set boundaries to foster a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
10. Acting more like a friend than a parent to avoid conflict or rejection.
As a parent, always be firm while nurturing your child. Maintain the parent-child dynamic to foster respect and culture. Know what a parent is supposed to do and create relationship and build a lifelong bond.
Final Thoughts on Mistakes made by Single Moms
Being a single mom is not a reason to seek sympathy and vent on how your life should have been better without the kids. Children are a blessing and as they grow, you will understand why God chose you to nurture them. I always view parenting as a role that you are partnering with God. He has given a soul to take care of and you should be proud that He choose you. Put the armor on and work hard for your kids!!